Before and After.

...This is something I wrote before my grandfather passed away and almost perfectly describes how I felt. But as always, God has a plan.

I don't understand why this is happening. I can't help but notice that everywhere I turn, all hope is shattered...leaving my heart cold and broken. Waves are crashing around me, in every direction. As my fears come to life and all of my faith is slipping through my hands, I have the possibility to crash and burn. But instead, I choose to stand and fight. If not for myself, for you. You're fighting battles without an end in sight and somehow I know that it's just a matter of time. It shouldn't be this way. You say that it's okay and everything will be alright. But we both know, as much as you would like to be, you're not invincible. I wish I could take the pain from you, I wish that I could fix you. But I can't. I can only watch as you sit in your prison of desperation. You say that when it ends, you'll be on the other side waiting for me...at least, you hope. I wish I knew that for certain, but I don't and you've admitted that you don't either. I hope that you get your beliefs straightened out, I really do. But no matter what, I just want you to know that there could be a thousand miles between us and nothing will ever change. Whether you're still here or you're called out of this life... You're everything I'll ever need and more from a parent. And you're not just my grandparent...you're my role model, the cure that stops my pain, the strength that keeps me standing strong, and most importantly...the closest I'll ever get to having a "dad". One that has never walked away from his responsibilities and one that genuinely cares.

Now, for the after.

God always has a plan. He knows exactly what is going to happen to all of us, before it happens. During this time, I had no idea why my grandpa-the man who raised me-was being taken away from me. And to be honest, I was mad about it. But of course, with the comfort of friends and family, God kept me strong throughout it all. And in the process, helped me learn that I'm not the only one dealing with difficult things. Come to find out, the entire time that my grandpa was going through cancer treatments...a friend of mine was dealing with the same thing. Her grandfather was also getting ready to go meet Jesus. And I'm almost certain that God kept me strong through the process, so that I could be strong for my friend as well. We both knew, that no matter what...we both had someone to lean on. And even more, had someone to talk to that would understand. My grandpa came to know Christ in October and passed away in November. I've prayed for my grandpa's salvation since I was ten and nine years later, after church while we were all sitting in the living room, I saw my grandpa come to know Christ as his Savior. That was definitely the happiest moment of my life. No matter what happens in life, whether happy or sad. I know that I can rely on God and in focusing on Him, I can deal with life's situations in His timing, rather than falling flat on my face into the world's situations and needing a pick-me-up in the middle. (And even when I lose focus of God's grace, He's there to pick me up when necessary.) :)