It's Him.

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it." -John 14:12-14

What a beautiful and encouraging promise. Directly from Jesus, directly to you and I. It's so comforting to know that not only will God do a work in our lives, if we approach Him in truth and desire, but that He wants to. He delights in it.

"Instead of dependance on ourselves, we express radical desperation for the power of His spirit and we trust that Jesus stands ready to give us everything we ask for so that He might make much of our Father in the world." -Radical, David Platt

It is also humbling. To know that we need Him. To kneel before Him and ask for His power. To acknowledge His work, and to be willing to give Him all the credit--knowing that it is all because of Him and His power alone. Not our words. Not our music. Not our ministries, churches, artwork, messages, facilities... It's Him.

It's Purely Business.

Here's the deal. I don't want my life to be on public display. Sure, I have a blog...but I choose what goes into the blog. It's just a small portion of what my life deals with, and generally I don't write about my personal business. But what really bothers me are those people who have to get involved with everything. For example, I got a text today from someone about something that I didn't even want them to know. First of all, how did they even find out enough information to question me about it. And secondly, if I'm not worried about the situation...they most certainly shouldn't be getting involved in it. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate them caring enough to ask how it's going...I guess. But come on. I didn't tell you for a reason. So whomever you're getting your information from needs to stop talking. I mean, dang...it's nothing bad. But I don't want my life on display. If I did, I would have already applied for my own reality show via MTV and would be making the big bucks. But no...I haven't done that. So if I want you to know my business, I'll tell you myself. Okay...that's all for now.

Just Live Your Life.

As a college student, I feel as though I am in a permanent state of transition. Permanent meaning until I complete my degree... which feels like forever from now.

Sometimes I feel like "living your life" (as a college student) means late night Taco Bell and Wal-Mart runs, playground visits, lots of studying, and Ramen. And if that is what "living your life" means, then I'm doing very well. However, I always find myself saying well, that will have to wait until later. Later meaning post-degree. You see, time or life, has become some sort of contextual thing for me. As if it stopped when I graduated from high school and will pick back up when I get a career. I know it all sounds weird, because I'm not writing it with eloquence. But, I really feel like I'm not the only one "in transit" out there.

But why are we?

"How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone." -James 4:14

All I'm trying to say is, don't wait until later to talk to him or her. Don't wait until later to clean up the mess you have made. Don't wait until later to start that ministry that you've been called to. Don't wait until later to dance. Don't wait until later to build that relationship. Don't wait until later to make those tough decisions. Don't wait until later to be a good friend. Take initiative and live your life.

Unedited.

It's raw. It's real. It's unedited.

I've spent the past year and a half trying to figure out the happenings of life. I've gone through some of the very best moments I've ever had in my life to some of the very worst. You would think that a year and a half is a very short time in the scheme of things, and quite honestly, it is. I'm twenty years old and a year and a half amounts to nothing on the scale, but with the events that have taken place...I believe it to be one of the shortest amounts of time, with the greatest number of mistakes made and lessons learned. So if you don't know me as well as some do, I'll just catch you up to speed really quickly about my past, and then follow that up with the past year and a half.

May 15th, 1991 my life started going downhill. Yes, this is the day that I was born. No, I didn't nearly die at birth or anything like that. At least, not that I'm aware of. But that was the day that I was brought into the world and began to live with my parents. By the age of two I was taken away from my parents for neglect, abuse, and incompetent parenting. Basically. My parents divorced and I lived with my grandparents for a few months, but my dad decided that he had grown up, leaving him to believe he was going to raise my sister and I. My grandparents reluctantly agreed, hoping he had gotten his act together...and from what they could tell, had really changed. But my dad was hiding behind a completely fake portrayal of himself. By the age of seven, I had been introduced to alcohol, various drugs, and physical and emotional abuse. By the age of eight, sexual abuse was introduced into my life. Thankfully, I was never raped...but there were many close calls. And last but not least, at the age of nine, I had been given detailed instructions on where my life would be headed and had attempted suicide. There are so many things about my life that I regret but without remembering those regrets I would not be the person I am today. Shortly after being taken from my dad for the second time in my life, and going back to my grandparents house to live...everything in my life began to turn around. I started going to church with my grandma and eventually let God take control of my life by giving everything to him and leaving the life that I had been living behind. Sooo skipping ahead quite a few years, let's talk about the past year and a half.

The past year or so, I've been more focused on what I want for my life rather than what God wants for my life. I'm a perfectionist with a serious case of OCD and I hate when things aren't in my control. And being a perfectionist isn't exactly what I would call a gift, quite frankly it's the exact opposite. I came to college knowing what I wanted to do with my life, and nothing was going to mess that up. Well, I was most certainly wrong about that. My life was flipped entirely upside down this past year. Freshman year was what it was. I figured things out, straightened out friendships, etc. But sophomore year was complete chaos. I spent fall semester hating a former best friend for not being there when I needed him the most and on top of that, lost the most important person in my life to cancer. It was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Then Spring semester came and I had expected everything to get better, but it didn't. My grandma ended up having cancer as well, and I thought for sure I was going to lose her as well. I became very  depressed. But thankfully, I had a couple of really good friends to lean on that kept me going. Longggg story short. I came to realize throughout the semester that hating myself, my life, and nearly everyone in it was not helping me in any way. I began to focus on God's plan for my life and gave up everything that I wanted just to focus on getting my life back in order and being solely focused around Christ's plan. I know that in doing so (giving up everything I had tried so hard to make work and giving up all of my desires/plans), I hurt a lot of people. I ended up walking away from friendships, without really giving them any reason as to why. But when it comes right down to it, I couldn't go on living life the way I had been. It's not that I necessarily did anything wrong throughout this time. But when I don't care about myself, I can't care about others. And I wanted to get back to the point where I could enjoy life and see opportunities to share Christ's love. And in saying all of this, there are still people who don't fully understand everything that happened or why I chose to do what I did. But I don't regret any part of my life. And I believe that God really has made me so much stronger through everything that's happened. And without Him in my life, I would be a complete wreck. I guess for now...I'll just leave it at that. :) But, just so you're all aware. My grandma's cancer is gone. Thank goodness! Hopefully it will stay that way!

Rebecca Black...

Rebecca Black. ...This girl. How do I even complain about her? First, she comes up with a song involving "Friday" and every other day of the week. All I have to say about that is...I'm glad she's finally learned the days of the week. Tomorrow she should work on her ABC's. But no, that's not all. If hearing phrases like "We don't hate you because you're famous; you're famous because we hate you" wasn't enough...this girl goes and comes out with ANOTHER song. I thought I had heard it all, but this song is the icing on the cake. But I can't even begin to describe how terrible it is. Basically, this song is WORSE than Friday. You'll just have to listen to it yourself though for the full effect...

Christina Brookman

Christina Brookman. She has been such a blessing in my life. There are so many situations I wouldn't have been able to deal with, had she not been there. She's an amazing friend. Whether that be going on midnight Wal-Mart runs, even later-night Taco Bell runs, and so much more. Although from an outsider it seems as though we would annoy each other...that is simply not true. That's just how we do. :) We're all about sarcasm and ridiculous jokes. It's just how it works. Anyway, love this girl! And God is really working in her life. And it shows!

I have no idea what we're doing here...

Oh mannnn. Legit.

Whew, not cute.

Guilty Until Proven Innocent...

Who else has been keeping up with the Casey Anthony trial? I believe that in this situation we're all looking at it as "guilty until proven innocent" rather than the other way around. But, for those of us that are keeping up with the case, let me just point out that Jose Baez is barking up the wrong tree. No pun intended. Is there a reason he's questioning the K9 dog's credibility? The dog isn't going to talk and the FBI agent is only establishing the dog's credibility. Jose Baez is slowly but surely destroying his defense. Once the 20 minute video of the dog's search is shown in court, Casey Anthony has no choice but to testify. The important part of this case that benefits the prosecution greatly is that no matter what the jury believes about the chloroform evidence, the K9 dog evidence is what it is. The dog has been trained to alert for certain signs and smells of things. ...Which is exactly what he did. He alerted when he smelled a deceased body. Jose Baez, you're ruining the reputation of defense lawyers across the nation. Oh, and you really should have plead insanity for your client. With all of the evidence built up against her and the proven fact that she is a liar...she has no hope. That's all about the Casey Anthony trial for now...

Friendships & Reason.

People come into your life for a reason, and once you realize what that reason is, you'll know exactly what to do for them. When someone comes into your life for a reason, it is usually to fulfill a need that you have expressed, in some way or another. They have come to assist you through difficulty, to provide you with support and guidance, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Maybe your turn has come to share, or maybe it's just time for you to learn and grow as a person. They bring you an experience of peace or simply make you laugh. They may teach you something that you've never done and they usually bring you an unbelievable amount of joy. They may seem like a godsend and it's because they are. They are there for the reason that you need them to be. These friendships/relationships teach you lifetime lessons...things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an incovenient time, this friend will say something or do something to bring this relationship to an end. Sometimes they walk away, sometimes they die. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. But what we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it's time to move on...

Ann-Maria Fleming.

Living it up since March 7, 1990

This girl has always been there for me, no matter what. Whether that is hanging out with me until 2 am, listening to my many rants, going to church with me, returning my sarcastic remarks with even better sarcasm, or simply being a friend when I need one the most. She is the most genuine person I've ever met and I thank God for bringing her into my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. Especially when it comes to needing advice. She is always reminding me that no matter how I feel or what I want, God's plan is number one and I need to focus on Him and His goal for my life. One thing is for sure, without her...I would be a mess. Thank you Ann-Maria Hunter Fleming for always being a good friend and for always keeping me focused on the One who is most important.

Before and After.

...This is something I wrote before my grandfather passed away and almost perfectly describes how I felt. But as always, God has a plan.

I don't understand why this is happening. I can't help but notice that everywhere I turn, all hope is shattered...leaving my heart cold and broken. Waves are crashing around me, in every direction. As my fears come to life and all of my faith is slipping through my hands, I have the possibility to crash and burn. But instead, I choose to stand and fight. If not for myself, for you. You're fighting battles without an end in sight and somehow I know that it's just a matter of time. It shouldn't be this way. You say that it's okay and everything will be alright. But we both know, as much as you would like to be, you're not invincible. I wish I could take the pain from you, I wish that I could fix you. But I can't. I can only watch as you sit in your prison of desperation. You say that when it ends, you'll be on the other side waiting for me...at least, you hope. I wish I knew that for certain, but I don't and you've admitted that you don't either. I hope that you get your beliefs straightened out, I really do. But no matter what, I just want you to know that there could be a thousand miles between us and nothing will ever change. Whether you're still here or you're called out of this life... You're everything I'll ever need and more from a parent. And you're not just my grandparent...you're my role model, the cure that stops my pain, the strength that keeps me standing strong, and most importantly...the closest I'll ever get to having a "dad". One that has never walked away from his responsibilities and one that genuinely cares.

Now, for the after.

God always has a plan. He knows exactly what is going to happen to all of us, before it happens. During this time, I had no idea why my grandpa-the man who raised me-was being taken away from me. And to be honest, I was mad about it. But of course, with the comfort of friends and family, God kept me strong throughout it all. And in the process, helped me learn that I'm not the only one dealing with difficult things. Come to find out, the entire time that my grandpa was going through cancer treatments...a friend of mine was dealing with the same thing. Her grandfather was also getting ready to go meet Jesus. And I'm almost certain that God kept me strong through the process, so that I could be strong for my friend as well. We both knew, that no matter what...we both had someone to lean on. And even more, had someone to talk to that would understand. My grandpa came to know Christ in October and passed away in November. I've prayed for my grandpa's salvation since I was ten and nine years later, after church while we were all sitting in the living room, I saw my grandpa come to know Christ as his Savior. That was definitely the happiest moment of my life. No matter what happens in life, whether happy or sad. I know that I can rely on God and in focusing on Him, I can deal with life's situations in His timing, rather than falling flat on my face into the world's situations and needing a pick-me-up in the middle. (And even when I lose focus of God's grace, He's there to pick me up when necessary.) :)