Celebration of Death or Celebration of Grace?

**Let me just point out first and foremost that you're most likely not going to appreciate what  I'm about to say, so please feel free to completely ignore me if you don't agree.

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you..."-Matthew 5:43-44

This is a time of tragedy for our country after this past weekend's elementary school shooting. I am definitely not trying to defend the shooter; however, I am trying to defend my faith. I understand that there were a lot of mixed feelings going around and about as of Friday morning (rightfully so), which is unavoidable. Hate, however, should not be one of those. I believe that this situation and what happened was entirely unnecessary, but I also believe in justice and I believe in the untold story; behind the scenes.

I also believe this event is something to be mourned. It is heartbreaking that we are in this position in the first place. It is heartbreaking that there is so much hate, so much anger, so much bitterness, and so much evil. All of these are reasons that we experience these particular events. Humankind has been dealing with all of these since the fall, and it won't stop at the death of this man seemingly consumed with evil. For all we know, this man was at his final breaking point and had absolutely no idea what he was doing. (Again, I'm not defending him. Just viewing it all from a different perspective) We must continue to pray fiercely against all of the hate, anger, bitterness, etc., and diligently guard our hearts from them. 

"We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."-1 John 3:14-15

Do you really think that this man deserves his fate any more than the rest of us? No, because we are all evil. It's by the grace of God, and the grace of God alone, that not every single one of us should have the same destiny... The only thing that ought to be celebrated in this event, is that we each are given the chance for eternal splendor rather than eternal damnation. We shouldn't be celebrating this man's death.

With that being said...

"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."- 1 John 3:16

A special thank you goes out to all of those who risked their lives for this cause. The cause of protection, freedom, innocence, a bright and exciting future for each and every one of these children . We still have a long haul ahead of us, but just know that we are grateful for all you have done and are amazed by the beautiful soul that you possess. And to the families and parents of lost precious loved ones as a result of this tragedy, no single man or woman or child has died in vain. My heart goes out to you all. 

Change Is Inevitable.

Shew! This has been the most insane semester of my college career thus far. I guess that's what I get for swearing multiple times that it was going to be my easiest. However, I have just turned in the last of my "big projects" (you know, because finals aren't just next week or anything...), squeezed in a bit of Christmas shopping therapy, and now I am resting in my humble abode, sipping on some hot tea while Ray LaMontagne speaks to my soul. All is as it should be. 

So, with that being said, a big decision has been made since the last you and I had a chat... A few of you know, a few of you won't care, but for those of you who don't know and do care: after this semester, I will be moving to Nashville to finish up my education at Trevecca Nazarene University. Knoxville has been so amazing. I definitely know why God miraculously opened up the doors for me to come back here. However, I now believe that He is leading me elsewhere... Why do I believe this, you ask? Because I simply don't have a choice; and I am thankful for that, because I cannot trust that-if I did have a choice-I would make the right one (and why after 15 years of school do I still not know or understand the proper use of a semicolon?). 

I have actually really struggled with this decision for about a year and a half now, which my family can attest to. I have had so many options of places I could go or schools I could go back to. This semester though, God just made it very clear to me that my time in Knoxville is coming to a close and I will not be returning to Johnson City. You know, I've had some of the best memories of my life in these two places, but I trust that it'll be the same no matter where I go. That is how it's always been. I'm sure that there will be trials to come, but He is my God and I am His child. In the past month or so, I have felt such a peace about this decision, and I am excited to see what He has in store.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

In other news, I am super blessed to have such amazing friends. I literally don't know what I would do without them. And I'm so glad that they are willing to always be there for me, no matter how difficult being friend's with a crazy person may or may not be.

Anyways, I hope you have a great December 3rd tomorrow! I've already been listening to my Christmas tunes (since September...judge me), but I have yet to finish my Christmas shopping, so don't be surprised if you get an empty box with "blame the Mayans, the world was supposed to end" written on it! Stay tuned for my holiday playlist for this season...

I Choose...

In a world where anonymity instills false power;
In a world consumed by the Joneses mentality;
In a world overcome by hate, rape, evil, and loss;
In a world where children are misled, mistreated, and misunderstood;

In a world where diagnoses are made for money;
In a world that is all about sales, worth, and stock;
In a world “made for man, by man”;
In a world concerned with self;

In a world where teenagers fear for their future children;
In a world seemingly heading for decay;
In a world in which intimacy, courtship, and love has been redefined;
In a world directed by feelings;

In a world full of torn homes;
In a world where the “solution” is adultery or divorce;
In a world mesmerized by sex and pornography;
In a world with broken families, where sons and daughters don’t have answers;

In a world that actively casts stones;
In a world with legalized murders; 
In a world that contains those dying to die;
In a world where “coping” means numbing;

In a world made up of religion;
In a world of separation;
In a world of politics and diplomats;
In a world where there is no hope;

I choose to believe in the power of song;
I choose to believe in the motivation of human contact and touch;
I choose literature, real, paper… print;
I choose to die to myself;

I choose to trust instead of feel;
I choose life;
I choose fellowship with the body, the entire body, not just the ones I deem appropriate;
I choose to try to do my best at all times;

I choose to let go-of shame, guilt, anger, bitterness;
I choose to minister to others, no matter the cost; 
I choose to pray;
I choose to worship;

I choose to lead by example, rather than force;
I choose to own up to my mistakes and faults;
I choose to embrace my quirks;
I choose to find the good in myself rather than dwell on the bad;

I choose to fight for what I believe in;
I choose to be stubborn about my values;
I choose to laugh, because if I don’t, someone else will;
I choose to jump, because it’s worth it;

I choose my Jesus;
I choose to make a conscience effort to represent Him daily;
I choose to be weird, different, happy;
I choose hope.

Such An Intimate Invitation

Come to the table. It's that simple. A genuine invitation to join God at His table. Me. He wants me to sit at His table. He wants me to partake in a meal with Him. It's that simple.

I've been thinking about communion a lot today. Communion is an event done in remembrance of Christ and what He did for us on the cross. I've taken part in many different communion services but there are two that stick out the most. Usually at my church, we pass around the trays and grab a little chalky square that is the bread, and a little glass of grape juice that you are expected to hold and not spill for 20 minutes while the preacher talks, reads, and prays for the congregation. However this morning at church, one of the pastor's talked, read, and prayed and then as you were felt led, you go get your own bread and dip it in the grape juice. (I kind of thought that was a little gross because everyone's hands had been all over the bread, and I would rather drink my juice separately, butttttt that is beside the point. It's not even about that.) When thinking about the differences between the two, that's when it hit me. We "come to the table", and have to actually move in order to take part in communion.

The whole point of this post is everything that happens before you take part in this act of worship. I guess, the whole idea of coming to the table was sort of humbling for me. God extends this gracious invitation to me. While I am dirty, impure, unworthy, and covered in sin, He is asking for me to join in fellowship with Him.

I never have realized the beauty in this part. Before accepting the invitation, I have a chance to lay everything at the foot of the cross. Not only can I lay down my worries and burdens, but I can lay down my pride, my sins, my filth. No matter how dirty and unworthy I may think I am, God forgets. He doesn't even care! He just wants to spend time with me, because I am his daughter.

Wait, there is more... I am cleansed. I am made new. I am made perfect in His eyes, because He takes it all.

That is the best part. And it's that simple. It really is. What a beautiful exchange... and such an intimate invitation...

The Light That Never Fails.

A servant of God must stand so much alone that they never know they’re alone. In the first phases of Christian life disheartenments come, people who used to be lights flicker out, and those who used to stand with us pass away. We have to get so used to it that we never know we are standing alone. 

“At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it…” 2 Timothy 4:16-17

We must build our faith, not on the fading light, but on the light that never fails. When people we love go their own way we are sad, until we see that they were meant to go, the one thing that remains is looking in the face of God for ourselves. Allow nothing to keep you from looking God sternly in the face about yourself and your beliefs. And every time you share His love with others see that you look God in the face about things first, then the glory will remain all through. A Christian worker is one who perpetually looks God in the face and then goes forth to talk to people. The characteristic of the ministry of Christ is that of unconscious glory that abides. We are never called on to parade our doubts or to express the hidden ecstasies of our life with God. He already knows it all. But the secret of the worker’s life is that they keep in tune with God all the time so that their light never fails. 

“And we, who with the unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” -2 Corinthians 3:18.

Insecurity.

It has been a while since I've posted, I know. But I have been stressing over the final weeks of the semester and getting ready for summer. That being said, it is finally summer and I couldn't be any happier! But, one thing struck a chord with me tonight and I find it necessary to discuss. I have probably posted something along these lines before, but let's get to it. Shall we? 


I have been running errands all day and when I came home I decided to get in my Facebooking. So as I scroll through the newsfeed, I continuously see negative statuses. Usually posted by girls. And it is a really upsetting thing to realize how many girls are struggling with confidence in themselves. Then I came across this quote on Pinterest "Don't let insecurity ruin the beauty that you were born with." 


That quote is so accurate. Why should you let others opinions effect how you view yourself? Just be yourself and those that matter will stick around. Find beauty in the person that you are...quirks and all. :)

Death in His Grave.

It still blows my mind: even Death bows to the King. I know you're probably all getting tired of my McMillan posts, but I just wanted to share a song that has blessed me this past week, and I know will continue to do so in the week leading up to Easter.

Though the Earth cried out for blood;
satisfied her hunger was.
Her billows calmed on raging seas,
for the souls on men she craved.

Sun and moon from balcony
turned their head in disbelief.
Their precious Love would taste the sting,
disfigured and disdained.

On Friday a thief;
on Sunday a King;
laid down in grief,
but awoke with keys
of Hell on that day.
The first born of the slain,
the man, Jesus Christ,
laid death in his grave.

So three days in darkness slept
the Morning Sun of righteousness,
but rose to shame the throes of death
and over turn his rule.

Now daughters and the sons of men
would pay not their dues again.
The debt of blood they owed was rent,

when the day rolled a new.

He has cheated

Hell and seated
us above the fall.

In desperate places,

He paid our wages

one time once and for all.

Rue-thless.

It has been about a week since I last posted and I would just like to talk about "The Hunger Games" one last time...for a while.

First I'll just say that I finally got to watch "The Hunger Games" and it did not disappoint! I highly suggest that you go see it and if you have already seen it, go watch it a second time. :) It was that good.

Now, I must say my favorite part in the movie was not what I thought it would be. When I read the books, I almost cried when Rue was killed. And I knew that when that part happened in the movie I would hate it...but I didn't. That was actually my favorite scene. Before you judge me for lacking a soul, please continue to read. For those of you who haven't seen the movie yet: Katniss and Rue had just started an alliance and on her way back to find Rue, Katniss hears screaming and she finds Rue while she's caught in a trap. But just as she saves her and is telling her that she is safe, another tribute attacks Rue...and Katniss, of course, kills that tribute. As Rue is dying, Katniss sings a song to her and places flowers around her after she passes. This part was definitely sad...not as sad as when I read it in the book (but I knew it was coming...so I had prepared myself). But this scene led up to my favorite part of the movie.

In the book you don't really have any knowledge of what trouble Katniss's actions during the games cause until the end, which really it's not even until the next book. But in the movie after Katniss's "proper burial" if you will, District 11 loses it. They rebel against the Capitol, tearing down the stages built by the Capitol, fighting the guards, etc. That for me was the most moving scene...probably just because of the fact that the little girl's name was Rue and District 11 was ruthless in their actions against the Capitol at that point. They showed absolutely no mercy, and maybe that's just a weird connection that I made...

I'm sure the producers of the movie only did this as a way to lead into the making of the next movie, because if you've read "Catching Fire" you know of the rebellion that's taking place against the Capitol. So this for me was just one of those powerful moments in the movie. But without ruining any more details of "Catching Fire" let me just remind you that this time around is the Quarter Quell and as always...May the odds be ever in your favor. :)

Happy Reaping Day!

Let me totally geek out and share with you my favorite song from The Hunger Games Soundtrack in honor of opening weekend. Unfortunately, I will not be able to see the movie for a couple of days, so I have to wait! I guess I will just have to settle with reading everyone's tweets from the midnight premiere... sigh...

Oh, well! It is what it is. Have a happy Reaping Day... and may the odds be ever in your favor!

And I have to admit that I mostly love this song because of the emphasis on the clarinet solo. You very rarely have those in songs these days. I'm such a nerd.

Looking past the "felt board perspective"

Lazarus. He died. Jesus raised him. And everything in between. I never realized how many elements there are to this story, and still cannot wrap my mind around it all. I must admit, in the past I have had a bad habit of reading the Word from the "felt board perspective". Of course, I would never miss the big parts of the stories; such as, the actual resurrection of Lazarus. But God has really been challenging me to see the story as a whole. To read intentionally. To be in the story. I mean, these were actual people. Humans. Humans with feelings that I feel! All the little, unwritten details are just as important in these stories as the climax that the Sunday school lessons are dubbed after.

I know we have all heard that before, but it's been such a prevailing movement in my life these past few weeks that I just wanted to share it. So, here are just a few of the points that have shaken up this story for me:

"He whom You love"

For starters, John opens the story with Mary and Martha sending someone to tell Jesus that the one who He loves is ill (John 11:3). The one whom He loves. The disciple who Jesus loved. The one He loves. John uses phrases like this over and over, mostly referring to himself, but now to Lazarus. I just love that. It captures the relational aspect of Christ. It allows us to see that when He was on Earth, He built outstanding, to-the-core relationships. He didn't waste any time. He built the kind of relationships that warmed the heart and fabricated tears (11:35).

Not only should our hearts swell at the idea that God wants that with us, but it should also humble us in the fact that our relationships are not that profound. If even Christ, in His short time on Earth, with the most important and expansive mission, made time to love like that, then what does that say about our fickle, dependent, consequential "friendships"?

Death is not a destination

Then, the very next verse Jesus responds, "This illness does not lead to death. It is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it" (11:4). He says from the very beginning that death is not the end.

Maybe it's not death that you're facing, but a broken heart. Bankruptcy. Unemployment. Student loans. Depression. Divorce. Unfaithfulness. Loneliness. Worthlessness. And the list goes on. Straight from the mouth of Jesus, we're comforted with the fact that there is more to come.

This is a concept that Paul understood with such entirety, that he seemed completely fearless. In Philippians 1, where he pens from a Roman jail cell, he says, "Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance." He understood that his imprisonment was not the end of the story.

God's plan is so intricate and well-woven, that not even death is absolute. And we can rest assured that no matter what happens in our lives, there is still a plan. No matter who conspires against us, God is with us. No matter what we are facing, there is good to come.

Martha's expectations

We do see Martha express emotions of anger or contempt with Jesus when she says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died" (vs. 21). But the rest of the passage makes me wonder if some part of Martha was patronizing Jesus. To me (and I could be wrong), it sounds as if she is being political with her words. As if she is expecting something great from Jesus, but doesn't want to come across as presumptuous. Which, to this I can relate.

I have found myself stepping around an elephant in my prayers, so not as to offend God. I feel as though this is what Martha is doing when she says to Jesus, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day" (vs. 24). The Sunday school answer. Politics. And though it sounds so bad, it makes me excited, because I feel a hint of expectation in her responses.

Man, I try to put myself in her shoes at this point. I just don't know that I could get past the fact that Jesus didn't come to heal him, to expect what could come of this. I'm sure Martha was mad, bitter, heartbroken, and on the verge of losing composure. I can almost feel the tightness in her throat as she looks at Jesus, knowing that He could have saved Lazarus; the effort she gives to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes, as she fights through the emotions; the shaking in her knees as she stands before the man that could have saved her brother from death.

Even with all of that emotion and pain going on, she is able to see possibility. She is able to respond to Jesus with trust and belief. That simply astounds me, and I can only pray that I could be as faithful and trusting as she was in a situation where death seems like the end.

The empathy of Christ

Mary runs to Jesus with the same expression as Martha in verse 21, but follows it with tears--laying every emotion at the feet of Jesus. And Jesus "was deeply moved in spirit and troubled" (vs. 33). He felt her pain. Only then to join in Mary and the fellow Jews' weeping (vs. 35).

What a beautiful reminder to know that when we fall in pain at His feet, He mourns with us. Not only with us, but for us also. No, He does not delight in our sorrows. They pain Him as well. He is hurting with us. And He doesn't always take it away, but the amazing thing is that He knows, understands, and feels what we're going through, and promises never to leave our side (Isaiah 42:16).

Christ's authority:Lazarus' obedience

Finally, the following is an excerpt from my Tyndale Study Bible:

"Even when the curtain of death was between them, Lazarus responded to Jesus' voice."

All Jesus said was, "Lazarus, come out" (vs. 43). There was simply a prayer to God (vs. 41), followed by a command. A power like that cannot be denied. We must be intentional in showing Christ the same respect and obedience that Lazarus and death itself shows Him in this passage.

The Hunger Games.

I have been slacking on updating my blog as of late. I do hope you forgive me. That being said, today's topic is going to be about "The Hunger Games".

I believe it is safe to say that I am addicted to the Hunger Games. I have the three books, the parody book, the People magazine dedicated to the upcoming movie, and I intend to watch the movie on the 23rd when it comes to theaters.

If you haven't heard of the Hunger Games, I highly suggest you go buy the books or borrow them from me and read them before the 23rd. I am fully supporting the games, if you will. This post doesn't flow very well but I will say this before I leave you with the trailer to get you pumped: After reading the books, I have decided that I hate the main character. Katniss is definitely a beast, I'll give her credit for that. But as far as her character goes...I'm not a huge fan. BUT I won't give away too much more information...for that you'll just need to read the books. :)

Plain and Simple.

Today I came across this verse:

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

To put it plain and simple...we need to love others like Christ loves us. We spend so much of our time judging others and assuming things about people based off of their actions (I know I have done this many times; it's just my human nature), that we do not even give them time to explain their behaviors. Not that we should even require an explanation. We are all sinners and there's nothing more humbling than being smacked in the face with your faults.

Hopefully you can take something from this post, as unorganized as it may be, but if not...this is something I needed to be reminded of today. I've really been failing at loving others lately. So for all us, let's just remember to purposely love others because that is what we are called do to.

The Great Romance.

I really should be studying for, what will be, the most heinous test I've ever taken but this has really been on my heart lately...and I feel pressed to write and just lay it out there for you readers. I hope it speaks to you in some way.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

and bring her into the wilderness,

and speak tenderly to her.

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord."

-Hosea 2:14, 19-20 ESV

With Valentine's day less than a week away, I am finding myself getting caught up in this commercial holiday as much as the next person...there's lots of pink, new lines of perfume, clever greeting cards, and yes, even chocolate. It's a rather charming time of the year, might I say. Though, it is not one of my favorite holidays.

Nevertheless, I dare say that it is just as easy for couples and singles alike to dwell on this holiday for far more than what it's worth. If you're like me, I needed to be reminded of that this week. Regardless of whether or not you have a special someone to share the holiday with, I hope you can take away something from this post to remember this week.

Most of you know what the book of Hosea is about. It's a love story--a romance, if you will. It parallels Hosea's marriage to the unfaithful Gomer to God's covenant with the rebellious Israel.

Just as Gomer got caught up in her other lovers, so do we. We waste time blindly seducing lovers of our own (whether it be individuals, dreams, money, etc.) that don't include the Ultimate Romance. This is unfaithfulness through idolatry--it's adultery. Meanwhile, the betrayed Hosea waits on Gomer, and continues to pursue her, just as God still pursues us. And the best part about it, is God still girdles us in his ever-loving embrace with excitement, even though He knows our hearts still wander.

Not only are we graciously accepted back into communion with Him, but He makes us right again. As if we did no wrong. This is the sweet, intimate, constant, no-strings-attached, Great Romance that all of our hearts long for.

I do not have a valentine this year but thinking back on past years, I am thankful for that. But for those of you that do have a valentine i have only this to say: I'm sure you are grateful for your significant other and they are all you could ever ask for and are beyond blessed by them. But if you don't strive to keep The Great Romance at the center of your attention, as a couple and as individuals, then you're missing something, and will never be able to experience the fullness of love that God intends for you. And at the end of the day, that person is just one of the vessels that God has chosen to reveal His sweet love to you. They are just one of the countless ways that He romances you.

I close this letter to you readers with gratefulness and awe. I hope you have a blessed week full of Romance and romance alike, and I pray that you would find yourself in the arms of the Faithful One.

"Behold You have come over the hills, upon the mountain
To me, You will run
My Beloved, You've captured my heart

Won't You dance with me
Oh, Lover of my soul
To the song of all songs?

With You I will go
You are my Love, You are my Fair One
The winter has passed and the springtime has come

Romance me
Oh, Lover of my soul
To the song of all songs"

How amazing it is to me, that He loves our dirty, filthy, tainted souls.

What's actually important?

It has been a while since I've blogged, but this topic has been on my heart for the past couple of days and I just want to share my opinion. (Take note that if you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. But I stand by it.) This post won't be long so here we go. :)

For all of those who have been living under a rock for the past couple of days, I just want to fill you in on the latest news. There has been an uproar over the Susan G. Komen decision to cut out cancer screenings and give a large sum of money to Planned Parenthood instead. With all of the commotion surrounding their decision, there has been talk about them reversing that decision and so forth. I'm not completely sure what the organization has or has not done at this point, but I do know that Planned Parenthood is still able to apply for the Komen grants. But that being said, I only have one thing to say about the Komen and Planned Parenthood partnership.

The Komen Foundation is an organization focused on cancer research and I believe that they should be spending their money on exactly that. This organization's mission is to save lives so it makes no sense to give money to an organization that promotes abortion. Therefore, my personal opinion is that the Komen Foundation shouldn't take part in killing America's babies...it isn't a woman's right to choose death for her child.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute..." -Proverbs 31:8

Breaking the Stereotype.

I belong to a group of people known as "Christians". I am a Christian. It's all I've ever known and it's all I'll ever be.

Meet my friend Jennifer. She has a unique style about her. Pink hair, high-top sneakers, heavy coated eyeliner and a lip ring is what she portrays in her outward appearance. She digs it. She says she likes to look and express herself differently than all the "normal" girls she sees day after day. Jennifer has a heart that is on fire for God. He has blessed her with so many talents; one of them being singing. She writes the most beautiful and moving songs that I've ever heard. She says that is what God is calling her to do and that its her purpose to lead others through worship.

The church Jennifer attends does not agree with her style and composure. The elders say she is a bad example to the young girls and don't give her the time of day. The girls in her youth group that make fun of her skinny jeans and "off the wall" hairstyles don't realize what kind of damage they do to her heart and confidence. No one accepts her as she is because she isn't perfectly polished and pressed in her polo shirts and designer handbags. Her passion as a child was to sing for her church praise team when she finally got old enough but her spirit has been broken and tarnished by the so called "Christians" her church congregation has claimed to be. She feels like she's not worth anything.

Meet my friend Jennifer. Today, she committed suicide. She couldn't take the pressure of peoples words and remarks so she's left this world with unfufilled dreams and a wasted purpose. Jennifer's story made me question myself... Do I, as a Christian, treat others like the Christians in Jennifer's life treated her? What is a Christians purpose? Is it just a cliche steryotype that everyone joins as an easy way out?

I want REAL Christians. I want a Christian who doesn't judge those who choose to standout. When new people "try out" church, I want a Christian who won't shove their knowledge of redemption down their throats but instead will be open minded to people who think different things. I want a Christian who practices what they preach. One that leads people to God by testifying His love for them in place of instiling the fear of dying and going to hell if they don't have a relationship with God.

I want a Christian who isn't afraid to have fun. A Christian who breaks all steryotypes and has passion for everything they do. I want a Christian who accepts that we ALL make mistakes and doesn't live life behind a fake smile... who may slip the "F" word when they stub their toe but where their heart's at is greater than the simple four letter word they cursed. I want a Christian who fills the void of drugs and alcohol with God's unconditional love inside of them. One that believes God made them exactly who and how they are for a reason and shouldn't second guess their own life.

I want Christian relationships that work. That last, happily ever after, because they fell in love with God before they fell in love with each other. I want a Christian who wants to wait and have sex until marriage but know that even if they don't or didn't, that they can be pure again in Gods eyes, 100%. I want a Christian boy who can withstand the worldly temptations because they know that the wait is worth it in the end and a Christian girl who knows she's loved and respected by a man without giving herself away.

Also, I want a Christian who hears this, reads it for what it's worth, and doesn't tune me out because they think they already have all the answers. Instead, they take a look into their own lives and realize they're Christians but sinners, too. I want a Christian who realizes there is no such thing as a perfect Christian because I'm living proof of one and I'm imperfect, too.

I'm an imperfect Christian, living an imperfect life, doing my best to glorify Christ daily. I stumble and I make mistakes, but no matter what I do...I know that my Savior will be right there with His arms open wide; no matter what stereotype other's place me under.

Job 14:14

I am aware that it has been a hot minute since I last blogged, but don't worry I haven't abandoned you. It has been a very busy week, to say the least. So much has been going on and so much has been on my mind, I haven't really made the time to just type it all out and express my thoughts. That being said, I'm going to do exactly that. (Attempt to do so, anyway)

For the past few days I have been in one of those "grumpy" moods, if you will, because in one of my classes we have talked a lot about cancer. This would normally be fine but it's caused me to think about my grandpa's dealings and it has brought back a lot of painful memories. I know that for those who have ever had to sit through one of my depressing episodes of grief over my grandpa's death...it is a rough spot to be in and I sincerely appreciate your willingness to listen. But what bothers me is that rather than just letting me grieve and then go about my business (seeing as how I have a happiness rebound rate of about 3 minutes) a person or two will pull out their Bible and read Philippians 3:13 to me...

"One thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead..."

Now, I appreciate their attempts to make me feel better but I think they are confusing Paul's words in this passage. I believe that the well-meaning Christians take this phrase out of context about "forgetting what is behind" and apply it as a command from scripture to never look at the past. But that is not what Paul is saying here. Paul was talking about the "trophies" he had to leave behind to follow Christ. ...The Bible clearly expresses what a good and effective teacher the past can be. But only if we approach it as a good student, from the perspective of what we can gain and how we can use it for His glory.

Thankfully though, there is another passage that someone brought to my attention that is much more suited to grieving.

"When a man dies, will he come back to life? If so, I would wait all the days of my struggle until my relief comes." -Job 14:14

Thank goodness the loss of someone never has to mean the end of abundant, effective, or even joyful life for a person. These things may seem to pause momentarily while grief takes its course, but those who allow their hearts to be bound by Christ will experience these again. Our Savior is the God of resurrection life; no matter what kind of death has occurred to a believer. When our hearts have been shattered by loss and sadness, we have the opportunity to welcome a special power into our lives--the power to live again on this Earth when we would rather die.

Needless to say, I am feeling much better tonight knowing that even though I still have random spouts of grief; if I allow my heart to be bound by Christ...I will experience true happiness and fulfillment. Maybe not right this second, but eventually.

Parachute.

Have you ever been in those situations where you were just too scared to commit yourself? I find myself in these situations more often than I tend to realize. It's usually during those times that God is telling me to do something and it puts me out of my comfort zone... (Or when I'm too scared to commit myself to a relationship, but that's for an entirely different post) I'm sure you have had those times as well. You know, when God says "do this" and you think "you're kidding me, right?" Until finally He tells you that you are just scared. Which is usually pretty accurate for me. No one likes feeling uncomfortable or placing themselves in a situation where they have to fall/surrender. But a good friend of mine went skydiving recently and gave me a bit of advice that she didn't realize would stick with me. She told me that once you get the courage to jump, the fall is worth it all. So, why not give God a chance and let Him be your parachute? Let Him lead you in the right direction, sure you'll still make mistakes, and you will still be placed in those uncomfortable situations but the fall is worth it all.

And who knew Train was so good at writing music? I love this song and it fits perfectly with this topic. So enjoy some good music while you're at it. :)

I wanna take you with me

to life with no more yesterdays

we can start again awake and so excited

and change the way we always push

we always push

I'll open up and be your parachute

and I'll never let you down

so open up and be my human angel

and we'll only hit the ground

running

and when the world gets sharp and tries to cut you down to size

and makes you feel like giving in

oh, I will stay, I will rain, I will wash the words and pain away

and I will chase away the way we push

the way we pull

you're beautiful

I'll open up and be your parachute

and I'll never let you down

so open up and be my human angel

and we'll only hit the ground

running

and if it feels like we might drop

it will stop

so don't look down

it wouldn't be the same without you

this life is too good to give up on

I'll open up and be your parachute

and I'll never let you down

so open up and be my human angel

and we'll only hit the ground

and we're gonna hit the ground

running

How you catch them is how you keep them.

Tonight I'm going to discuss a topic that I'm almost certain I've covered before, but it's really been on heart lately and I feel like it's something that we all need to be reminded of. Almost daily.

I have seen and heard so many girls go out of their way to impress a guy and it kills me every single time. Why do we ladies feel like we must dress in tight clothing or be physical with a guy to get his attention? That being said, there is a phrase that I've used to explain this (idiotic) concept of impressing boys and it is as follows: How you catch them is how you keep them. What I mean by that statement, is that if you catch a guy by dressing inappropriately or by being physical or sleeping with him....that's how you keep him. You will have to continue giving him more and more of those things (and more of yourself) and you will have to continue dressing that way, or he will lose interest. But if you catch a guy by being humble in spirit, having a Godly character, dressing modestly, and just being yourself then he will continue to pursue those characteristics in you; because he wants that. He wants to pursue a beautiful relationship with you that has Christ at the center. So how you catch them is how you keep them.

I hope that all of you ladies will realize that you can't catch a guy at a party or elsewhere by going out of your way to impress them with your clothing or by being physical and then just suddenly change who you are. He's not a guinea pig, you can't just change and have him love you for your personality or for your Godly spirit, etc. So when you are "catching" a guy, be aware of what you're getting yourself into before you get hurt.

Honestly, I feel bad for the girls that are upset over a relationship, but when I hear girls complaining about the fact that their boyfriend dumped them because she wouldn't sleep with him...it really begs me to question why he even thought that was acceptable in the first place. You know? If you aren't genuine when you begin the relationship, it won't last.

I really wish I could state this more eloquently but it's not happening. So there you have it and I hope that some of you will go about relationships differently. You don't need to impress a guy or go out of your way to get his attention. The one that matters will notice you, without all of the extra effort.

Overcoming the Seed.

It's safe to say that each of us have questioned our purpose, our calling, to some extent. Whether it be because of what someone has said or done, the way we performed at a select task, other's opinions of us (informed or misinformed), or even our own insecurities, we have all felt that same uncertainty in our lives. It's normal. In fact, that is the purpose of faith, trust, and reliance.

But what happens when that insecurity becomes so vivid, that it shakes every part of our mission?

Before I say anything else, it's important to note: there is a difference between doubt and insecurity. Doubt is just a stepping stone to insecurity. But let's look at the evolution of doubt to insecurity as it pertains to God's calling in our lives...

There is always a seed. A seed that sparks that second guess. Not always, but sometimes that second guess grows into insecurity. We think about it, turn it over in our heads, over-analyze it, and obsess over it until we then begin to have feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. And this is where it gets sticky. This, like in any other situation, seriously can effect our performance. Often times in these situations we can find ourselves withdrawing, even if just emotionally. However, that means that our heart isn't in it. Which, obviously, benefits no one.

As Christians, we should remember two things:

A body functions as a unit. No part is superior to the other. Each part plays an intricate role.

"The body is a unit... and though all its parts are many, they form one body... whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free... we were all given to the one Spirit to drink... If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? ...But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be... those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor... there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other."

-Taken from 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 NIV

God has anointed and appointed each of us to our own mission. Yes, each mission is very, very different, but equally important. What is so awesome is that God has us "just as he wants us to be". He has a plan. His plan is all that matters. We are responsible to that plan; not to our plan, not to other's plans, just God's. And ultimately, we will answer to Him.

So, if you know God's calling on your life, have confidence in it! Have confidence in Him! He knows what He's doing, and He thinks you're PERFECT for it. The role you play in the body of Christ is sacred. It's important, and requires your full potential, devotion, and heart. With you jumping all in with full confidence, you will gain so much, lives will be touched, and no one will be cheated.

Encourage, uplift, and empower one another.

"Let's see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching."

-Hebrews 10:24-25 MSG

We never want to be the seed that causes another believer to become insecure. And you never know when one is dealing with that doubt and insecurity. A little encouragement goes a long way. We must remember and value the importance of the different roles of the body.

I know these thoughts are jumbled, ramble-ish, and kind of scatter-brained, but I really felt led to share this. It has been heavy on my heart for a while now, and I could never find the eloquence to say it, so I just didn't... until now. Good thing God still uses ineloquent people, or else we'd all be in a pickle.

Out with the Old, In with the Renewed.

New Year's Inspiration

The video is a bit off-center, but I cannot seem to fix it. Sorry about that!