Proud Cynic.

I have a problem. (And, it's not my obsession with puppies and other cute animals...) You see, I tend to be slightly cynical. I always have my guard up and usually expect people to act in their own interest, which I am fine with, but I am also prideful. Which means that I am not going to let them take advantage of me along the way to achieving their self-pleasing goals (which is acting in my own interest as well, but that is beside the point of today's post.)

A proud cynic. It has a ring to it, right? But there is a word that cannot be used to describe a proud cynic: generous.

I was reading in Matthew 5 today, and came across one of those passages that you have read so many times that once you get to it you are reciting it in your head as you read (yeah, blah, blah, blah, I know.) Thankfully today, I caught myself. Instead, I listened while I read instead of reciting.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
-Matthew 5:38-42

Like I said, I do not want to be taken advantage of. I think it is fairly safe to say that no one does. However, here, Jesus is saying...Kimberly, it is better to give than to question intent. He is saying that regardless if someone is taking advantage of your servanthood, you must give. Who am I anyway to judge whether someone deserves my servanthood? If I do that, it is not servanthood at all. 

I am not saying that we should not be smart with what we do, because we are also called to be good stewards of our lives, family, and everything God has given us. So, we must do what is necessary to take care of ourselves in order to be able to serve to our full capacity. What Jesus is saying though, is simply be generous, live generously. So, that is what I am going to try to do.

Sometimes, I have the urge to fall...

It's a wonderful sensation really.

I remember when I was seven years old, I was sitting on the ledge of our house. It was a brick house; one of the most charming houses one has ever seen. It was my favorite house. The ledge I was perched on was only about six feet tall, but, when I felt myself leaning over the edge, my stomach lurched and my heart jumped. But when I opened my eyes and looked up at the clouds above where I had landed, the thought that ran through my mind was, well, that was fun.

Like I said, sometimes I have the urge to fall... Sometimes I have the urge to run. It's the same thing, really. At least, I think it is. It's about freedom and letting go, right? But, the running urge only happens every great once in a while.

In the same light...I like heights. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not an adrenaline junkie. I'm not a Marla Singer, dangerously living my life knowing that I could die at any minute, but sometimes I have the urge to fall. Repelling is my favorite. Granted, I'm in a harness, and I'm not technically falling, but there is just something about not having the ground beneath my feet that is freeing. I've repelled a 275 foot wall. I've done a 250 foot slingshot. I've toed a 65 foot ledge deep down in a cave. I absolutely love roller coasters. I used to love high dives, until I got fussed at by a life guard. And I even jumped off a cliff into a river once, even though I had a bad experience following that, but that is for another post... And one day I plan on skydiving.

I say all of this, because even though I have this urge, I tend to protect myself from it in other aspects of life. I don't like the aspect of trust. I don't like the idea of losing control. I don't like trusting people, because then I'd have to fall. I don't always listen to God, because then I'd have to fall. I don't always trust my family... my friends... my professors... because then I'd have to fall.

Whenever I let go though; it pays. I learn something. I gain something. I stand back up as a better and stronger person. I challenge you today to heed the call in your life to fall... to trust... to let go... to love, or to do whatever it is that demands you to fall. You'll gain something, I promise.

Sometimes, I have the urge to fall. Falling requires trust. Falling forfeits control. Falling is a wonderful sensation.

Rest In Hope.

Where do you even begin with these things? 

How do you deal with the fact that someone can be here one moment and then gone the next? 

It is something I have never really been able to fathom.

This topic has laid heavy on my heart this week, as I have had to deal with the struggle of losing a close friend as well as watch a coworker deal with losing a loved one. And that doesn't even begin to cover the sad and tragic news involving Robin Williams earlier this month. It is never easy to lose a parent, a child, or a dear friend. And nothing we say or do will change the heartbreaking fact that we cannot bring them back. 

With that said, when others are grieving I tend to grieve right along with them. I know and understand the pain of losing a loved one; and to be honest with you, I don't think we ever stop grieving. 

I remember the day my grandfather lost his battle to cancer. It was the worst feeling I had ever experienced. My grandpa had a one of a kind smile that literally lit up a room. He was just one of those people you wanted to be around. He had a genuine heart and loved others well. There was just something about his spirit that was contagious to be around. Ask anyone. He was a father and a friend to so many yet was taken Home when Heaven decided they needed him more than we did. 

And, though we are left here to grieve, I am reminded that this is not the end. 

While sitting in my living room that evening processing and dealing with what had just happened, I remember looking up. I don't know exactly why it caught my attention, but I remember looking at our ceiling fan only to notice that one of the lights had gone out. And in that moment I felt the Lord say, "He is Home. 

And how incredibly true that is. We were never meant to spend forever here. We were made for so much more. We were made for an intimate, personal, incredible relationship with our Creator. God knew what day would be my grandpa's last day, and though it may have come as a shock to us it was no surprise to the Lord. He knew He was going to get to welcome my grandpa with open arms and that my grandpa would finally be whole and new, and, in complete relationship with his God. 

With that in mind, we can rest in hope. We can rest in hope knowing that our loved ones are where they were meant to be all along. We can rest in hope knowing that this is not the end but merely a beginning. And we can rest in hope knowing that in all things the Lord works for good. He is faithful, He is good. 

So, this is not a "goodbye" but rather a "see you later". We will miss you.

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:21-23

It's Been A While.

Hello Readers, 

It has been a long time since our last encounter. But, I have had so much going on I just haven't had the time to devote. But, let's get to it...shall we?

Lately, I have thought a lot about a profound turning point in my life. To make a very long story short: my sophomore year of college I got very sick, lost thirty pounds within a matter of weeks, experienced a lot of pain, had emergency hospital visits, was diagnosed with a heart condition, spent a week in the hospital, three on bed rest, eight on a very particular diet and exercise program, and as a result, I have a fairly strict diet and exercise routine (though I probably should avoid running 13 miles at once), take multiple pills a day, and have to undergo giving several tubes of blood during hospital/doctor visits about ten to twelve times a year. Now, it does not sound like too big of a deal, and it is not. However, when you are actually going through something like that, it is the only thing that matters. I literally took it day by day; and being in a house alone for that long with a lot of emotional buildup is not very healthy for a teenage girl. I wish that I could say that I was more strong and less selfish during that time, but that is what learning experiences are for (and if you've been keeping up with this blog, you know now that a lot of times God has to speak in big ways to get through to my stubborn heart and mind.) 

I learned a lot while confined on house arrest... Ahem, I mean, bed rest. I learned that I am very bad with needles (God, if I have to have this disease could you at least bless me with good veins?!) I learned that you can make ANYTHING seem fun when you've been stuck in bed for so long, even if that means sweating during an outrageous exercise program. Most importantly, I learned that you cannot enjoy the mountains without experiencing the valleys. The apostle Paul, was beaten, mocked and imprisoned for preaching the gospel. He had every right to pitch a fit and have a bad attitude. Instead he said, 

“Now, I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel… Yes, I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.” (Philippians 1:12, 19). 

He did not know if he would live or die, be set free or tortured. But he did know that whatever happened was all part of God’s plan. He saw the bigger picture. It is really hard to see the bigger picture when you are in the valley. 

Now, usually it is out of sight, out of mind; just another part of life for me. Except for every couple of months when I have to give the blood I already don't have enough of (because then it is all I can do not to think about all the needles I will be dealing with). Today, while reflecting, I could remember the whole experience. I remember the faces that I saw when I woke up. I remember being trigger happy with the morphine button they gave me (which was incredible, by the way.) I remember my throat being sore and dry from the tubes, and the crazy dreams from the steroids. I remember tons and tons of flowers, balloons, and teddy bears that I threw away when I got home (no offense... they were just very... hospitalish.) And I remember being too tired to stay up on July 4th to watch the fireworks from the high hospital tower.  

However, the thing that stuck out to me today was the presence of people there every day. People who I did not expect to be there every day. People who brought my family meals. My aunt and uncle, who had just made it home from visiting us for the holiday turned right back around to come sit with me. Rebecca and Elisabeth who could have spent their holiday with friends, but chose to lay in a hospital bed with me and watch Made of Honor. Friends who would kneel at my bedside praying for me. Prayer emails were being sent, I had people in other countries praying for me who did not even know me. One of the surgical residences (a very handsome one, I might add) was praying for me, and at one point shed tears for me. My "other parents" cheering when I finally went without coughing up blood long enough to go without the tubes. My wonderful, loving family. My sister who always knew what music to play to make me feel better. And countless, countless others that I cannot even cover. 

I do not say all of this to brag (you are the ones who ought to be bragged about) or to collect pity. I say this so I can thank all of you who were there for me and those of you who are still willing to put up with my doctor's appointments, sit through complaints, and alter your diet or exercise program to not make me lust over food that I should not have or push myself farther than necessary. Yes, I have said 'Thank you' but that could never be enough to repay what you have given me. I wish there was someway that I could repay each of you personally. Hopefully, sometime in the future I will be able to in some way to many of you.  

Finally, I say all of this because that was a mess that I will wear with pride. Even now, when I have weeks like this week where I push myself too far. Weeks like this when I spend a beautiful Wednesday afternoon in the doctor's office, then a night at Cook-Out to make up for it. Weeks like this when I am forced to take my "emergency medicine" and have to deal with the side effects of depression. Weeks like this when I do everything the doctor says yet still have to deal with blood backing up into my lungs. Regardless of weeks like this...I am thankful. Why? Because of you all. 

Because of you all, I have come away a stronger person. Because of your encouragement, company, and prayers, I am able to trust that God has a plan. Like Paul, I could pitch a fit and have a bad attitude...but I must focus on the bigger picture.

2014: Build A Better Temple.

Hello readers! It is almost Christmas and I hope you're able to spend this time with your family, friends, and loved ones! That being said, this is something that has been on my heart for a while and I figured I would share it while I have a little spare time. 

Around this time of the year, we always hear of each other's New Year's Resolutions. I, myself, don't bother making any, because I know that I (like many of you) will not keep them. I honestly cannot remember a year in which I have actually followed through on a resolution, nor can I recall a success story of anyone following through with theirs. 

However, this week I stumbled across a passage (that I admittedly kept going back to) that challenged me for this upcoming year, and I encourage you readers to let it challenge you as well. 

“As for what you see here, the time will come when not one stone will be left on another; every one of them will be thrown down.”-Luke 21:6 NIV

You see, the disciples were admiring the structural integrity of the temple. Which, I'm sure, was astoundingly beautiful. But Jesus responded to their remarks with the words in verse six. Basically, no matter how beautiful, how much time was put into it, or how strong it was built; it is still a temporary, destructible fixture. I love the way that the Message words it...you can almost hear the exasperation in Christ's voice: 

"All this you're admiring so much—the time is coming when every stone in that building will end up in a heap of rubble."

Of course, Jesus was talking about the end of times when nothing would be left. But it got me thinking about how much I do this in my own life. I spend so much time building and admiring things that have no everlasting worth, and at the end of the day, what time have I left to build anything with remaining worth? Every day that we spend building these temporary structures in our lives, is a waste. 

My prayer is that you and I would spend our time this year focused on the Kingdom. After all, that is what we're living for... the rest will end up in a heap of rubble. 

I hope all of you enjoy your parties, sparklers, kisses, and what not. Be safe, and have a very blessed holiday season and new year!

Dead or Alive.

Dead or alive. These are not simply the words that haunt the most notorious outlaws. For me, they are a question of a person's worth and in that sense, they haunt me daily as well. I say it is better to die at 30 as the one and only, on your terms, living your life...than to live forever trapped in an existence of no consequence. So...Often, I contemplate the weight of a life in which death has so much more impact on society than that which so many make with a life, that is, at least from a biological perspective, very much “alive”. This is a weight that cannot be gauged by a scale but can only be measured by the ripple effect of your actions on humanity. A heartbeat and warm breath are not the lone factors to consider in terms of life... My criteria are somewhat loftier. Do your words ring in the ears of those with which you communicate? Have you done something to improve the lives of those that surround you? Have you put yourself on the line for a fellow man? Do you speak your mind and follow your heart, even at the expense of your social status? Do you hold yourself to a certain standard, even when alone, when there is no one there to impress? Do you live for the conviction of your conscience or for the approval of others? You must question whether you are making the most of the gift that is this day, the here and now, or whether you are simply passing time waiting for the inevitable. Life isn't a beauty pageant; you haven't been put here to curry favor with the judges. Life is a test and the only teacher who determines whether you pass or fail is you. To exist is simple, to die a mere organic process, but to actually live is something quite remarkable. So I ask you again, who among us has truly lived?

One Sixty Eight

One sixty eight. This three digit number signifies a paradigm shift in how we must order ourselves. 168 represents the number of hours in the seven day-way of life, we know commonly as a “week”. With roots more than three millennia long, this succession series of seven sunrises and sunsets dictates so much of what we accomplish and how we see ourselves. So often, the hustlers and bustlers among us find ourselves slaves to the clock, bound and shackled to the spinning hands of time, waiting for each workday to end, for the dreadful alarm to go off in the morning, for the weekend to finally arrive. We may in fact spend as much time clock-watching—either waiting for time to pass or wishing it would march on more slowly, than we actually do filling those moments with production, profound action or passion. Hyper-aware of this fact, conscious of my own mortality and our fleeting time here, I’ve tried to change the way I think about things. I enter each week with 168 hours at my disposal. In that time, I must tend to my responsibilities and do what must be done. A full work week may require 60 hours of my time. What remains is still 108 hours for me to do with as I must, and as I please. From here I must balance everything else in my life, finding a place suitable to be among those I love, to learn and be stimulated, to pursue my goals, to train, and lastly, to sleep. When I hear someone say that they “don’t have time”, I shake my head and pray that I won’t ever let that be me. There are 168 hours in your week, and what you will make time for is that which is a true priority to you, in your heart. If you can’t carve a few of that 168 out in service to someone or something, then it honestly can’t be all that important to you. I want to produce and create, to fill those 168 hours with as much living as I can… To be on fire with the fury of unbridled enthusiasm and inspiration, always. Forever I’ll find time for my dream and for that which makes my soul sing. I’ve gotta make this one sixty eight count, as I just can’t live with a week that is so weak.

The Danger In Anger With God.

Hello readers. I hear it is National Forgiveness Day. How about that, huh? I have been given the perfect excuse to write this blog! What is the biggest reason we don't forgive, you ask? Anger. So let's talk about the danger in anger...shall we? I know, much like any other emotion, there are different levels of anger. Today's post, however, will focus mostly on anger with Christ. So bear with me. 

I overheard a conversation about an individual's anger with God for the passing of a loved one. I was curious to what she was saying, for I too had experienced anger with God for about a six month period in my life. While I was eavesdropping, the tone of her voice became more and more passionate and concluding her spiel she said, "I am just so angry with God, and that is okay."

I didn't think anything of it at first, because (as I said) I could relate. However, that statement lingered with me. I kept turning it over and over in my mind. Is it really okay to be angry with God? I mean, human nature brings out the best and the worst of our emotions. Natural circumstances aid in that; in fact, they beckon it. It's only natural that we, as humans, would respond a certain way to a certain stimulation. So, what is the danger of just being angry with God?

Anger provokes communication barriers. Just like when you're mad with a sibling or a friend, your talk with God is influenced. Your prayers become short and inhibited, and until these communication problems are solved, there cannot be any growth from the situation.

Anger places blame. Blame leads to resentment. Of course, God has the ultimate plan. Blame and resentment can only hinder you from seeing what that plan may be.

Anger festers. Like a drop of ink in a glass of water, anger can pollute your life and relationships. When angry with God, if it is not confronted, can become poison and build up. Paul beckons us to confront our anger the day that it occurs in Ephesians 4:26 where he pens, "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger..."

Anger is prey for Satan. Paul concludes that statement with, "...and give no opportunity to the devil," in verse 27. Satan thrives on our anger with God. It's an open door for him to sabotage our relationship with Him and potential relationships that surround us.

"Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice."-Ephesians 4:31

Don't let anger taint your relationship with Christ. Instead, view your circumstances as an opportunity to grow, find purpose, know God more, and find yourself. Don't waste six months of your life to anger. It will never be worth it.

That being said...Happy National Forgiveness Day! Let's strive to let go of all of the anger, bitterness, resentment, and blame; and give forgiveness a shot.

Let Our Love Meet The Cross.

It's a shame, I believe. That the man that we ought to model our lives after is the same man that we have, more often than not, misrepresented. We can all get caught up in the black, white, and gray; arguments and debates; who is right or wrong; ministry for the sake of doing rather for the sake of pure love; politics in the church; and many other factors that distract us from the face of Christ.

"Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically. Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.
Instead, “If your enemies are hungry, feed them. If they are thirsty, give them something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals of shame on their heads.”
Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good."-Romans 12:9-21 NLT


This really puts things in perspective for me. Really love them... If we could truly grasp that concept, and let love drive our ministry, let love take over our churches, and let our love meet the cross, we could truly see revolution.

Love That Surpasses All Others.

As many of you are aware, tomorrow is Father's Day. If I'm being entirely honest, I wish I could be happy about it. But, this year, I'm finding myself to be less than thrilled. Sure, it has been almost three years since my grandpa passed away...but that feeling of hopelessness and sadness still shows up every now and then. I sometimes think the feeling will never go away. That being said, today I have been a little depressed (since I'm being honest) because tomorrow is Father's Day. And I've been slightly envious of those of you who do have fathers to celebrate the day with, you know...someone to talk to, to laugh with, to share life with. It's definitely something I have struggled with today but throughout the day have realized that I can be happy about Father's Day. I just need to focus on a love that surpasses all others.

I am incredibly blessed to have been raised by such an amazing man, and tomorrow I can remember and appreciate his dedication to his family. But, I can also spend the day thanking God for being the heavenly Father that I absolutely do not deserve. And for showing me the meaning of unconditional love. With all of that being said...

Tonight I've been appreciating a love that surpasses all others. No earthly love can touch it. No earthly love can truly satisfy me. No earthly love can solve all of my problems. No earthly love can complete me. There is no earthly love that I can wake up to that makes me feel as secure as this love. There is no love on earth that can validate and affirm every need of mine as this love does. No earthly love is perfect. 

Although the love on this earth makes life more pleasant, wealthy, and fulfilling, there will be days when the love on this earth disappoints. There will be days when the love on this earth hurts. There will be days when the love on this earth burdens. But the love of my Father leaves me content and rich. The love of my Father leaves me nothing but pride. The love of my Father leaves me nothing but comfort. The love of my Father is freeing and perfect. 

When I bind my limbs with chains, His love breaks them. When I run towards destruction, His love rescues. His love is impossible to escape. His love redeems every mistake that I have made. With every mistake that makes me evil and undeserving, His love covers and whispers to me that I am more than deserving. When loneliness suffocates me and fear grips at my neck, it is Him who revives me. 

He calls me His daughter and has adopted me as His own. He is the lover of my soul, my dark, scheming, human soul. He calls me the apple of His eye and He calls me by my name. 

Today, make the most out of your love here on earth by understanding that nobody is perfect, and the only love that will complete you is God's. The love that God has blessed us with here on earth is to make this life better not perfect. 

Have a wonderful day with your father and/or family tomorrow!

Single Ladies...No Boys Allowed.

Yeah, yeah... "She doesn't know my life... easy for her to say... she doesn't know what she's talking about..." BUT, I'm going to say it anyways. 

Don't settle. Don't give in. Don't give up. Don't lose hope. Don't disregard your expectations.

Just because a few of the guys you meet don't meet your expectations doesn't mean they are too high. You just haven't met the right one yet. Chances are, when you actually do, he'll even exceed those expectations.

Just because "every other guy is doing it" doesn't mean you have to accept it. Your guy doesn't have to "do it" or whatever the new "it" is. Don't accept bull crap. You deserve better. 

Just because he's not what Cosmo defines as the "perfect man," doesn't mean that he isn't the perfect man for you. Quirks are a good thing. If you know that it's what God wants, don't even read that trash. It's irrelevant and will do nothing less than cause you to second guess yourself and your man. 

Finally, it's never a bad thing to expect respect. But first, you've got to respect yourself, AND accept yourself. 

I'm far from a Love Guru, but there is nothing worse than doing my "social networking rounds" and seeing negative comments about being single, there being no hope, and boys drool nonsense. It really is disheartening. I hate to know that there are many girls out there who have settled, and will never truly experience what they ought to be.

I just pray that each of you would stick it out, persevere, pray, until one day you're blessed beyond anything you could humanly fathom. God's plan for you will be worth it. 

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

It has been far too long since I last blogged. I apologize for my lack of updates to you readers. But, if I'm being honest...given the nature of this blog, I didn't feel adequate enough to blog. It has been a crazy whirlwind since December and I came across this verse in Ecclesiastes this morning and decided it was time to pick up an old habit, again. So, without further adieu...

It's raw. It's real. It's unedited. 

"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless..." - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

I will be the first to admit my imperfections, in fact, I embrace them. However, over the last year or so I have been conducting myself in a manner that is absolutely unacceptable. And it got worse before it got better. This morning I came across this verse written by Solomon and it struck a chord. I did the whole "Christian" thing. It's all I strived for. I even transferred to a Nazarene University because I wanted to strengthen my relationship with Christ. Little did I know, that decision would be the best decision of my life. 

Before we get to that--I had spent my teenage years leading a Christ-centered life. I was THAT girl. Ask anyone I went to high school with and they will tell you. "She was the goody goody." Which is absolutely accurate. I loved Jesus and I hated anything and anyone that got in my way. But after a couple of years in college, and a lot of bad influences, my walk with Christ seemed to fade. I hadn't necessarily done anything wrong, but my walk wasn't the same.

Then, after my grandpa passed away, I got myself involved with the wrong people during a time in which I was seeking any cure for my pain. I began to choose partying over church. Empty relationships over real loving friendships. Pretty much pushed Christ to the back burner. I guess this was my "acting out" stage. And as a baptist, if there is one thing I know...it is that rules are made to be broken. But, I spent so long doing what I wanted and listening to the lies of this world that I completely set aside anything God had planned for my life.

But luckily, the friends I made at Trevecca and God's unfailing slap in the face helped greatly in getting me back on track. Seeing the example that my friends led on a basis made me want to be a better person. But their genuine kindness and love reminded me that regardless of my filthy, tainted soul; Christ is always waiting with open arms for me--His daughter--to come sprinting back to Him.

I am so thankful for my new school, new friends, and unconditionally loving Father...I can't even express it in words. I'm sure I will fail miserably again one day--probably sooner rather than later--but I know that despite my imperfections there is always the One and Only lover of my soul standing right by my side just waiting for me to make a move toward Him. 

My prayer today is that I am constantly reminded of the goodness and love that the Father brings. And that I will remember to focus on his desires for my life rather than my own meaningless desires.

Celebration of Death or Celebration of Grace?

**Let me just point out first and foremost that you're most likely not going to appreciate what  I'm about to say, so please feel free to completely ignore me if you don't agree.

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you..."-Matthew 5:43-44

This is a time of tragedy for our country after this past weekend's elementary school shooting. I am definitely not trying to defend the shooter; however, I am trying to defend my faith. I understand that there were a lot of mixed feelings going around and about as of Friday morning (rightfully so), which is unavoidable. Hate, however, should not be one of those. I believe that this situation and what happened was entirely unnecessary, but I also believe in justice and I believe in the untold story; behind the scenes.

I also believe this event is something to be mourned. It is heartbreaking that we are in this position in the first place. It is heartbreaking that there is so much hate, so much anger, so much bitterness, and so much evil. All of these are reasons that we experience these particular events. Humankind has been dealing with all of these since the fall, and it won't stop at the death of this man seemingly consumed with evil. For all we know, this man was at his final breaking point and had absolutely no idea what he was doing. (Again, I'm not defending him. Just viewing it all from a different perspective) We must continue to pray fiercely against all of the hate, anger, bitterness, etc., and diligently guard our hearts from them. 

"We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."-1 John 3:14-15

Do you really think that this man deserves his fate any more than the rest of us? No, because we are all evil. It's by the grace of God, and the grace of God alone, that not every single one of us should have the same destiny... The only thing that ought to be celebrated in this event, is that we each are given the chance for eternal splendor rather than eternal damnation. We shouldn't be celebrating this man's death.

With that being said...

"By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."- 1 John 3:16

A special thank you goes out to all of those who risked their lives for this cause. The cause of protection, freedom, innocence, a bright and exciting future for each and every one of these children . We still have a long haul ahead of us, but just know that we are grateful for all you have done and are amazed by the beautiful soul that you possess. And to the families and parents of lost precious loved ones as a result of this tragedy, no single man or woman or child has died in vain. My heart goes out to you all. 

Change Is Inevitable.

Shew! This has been the most insane semester of my college career thus far. I guess that's what I get for swearing multiple times that it was going to be my easiest. However, I have just turned in the last of my "big projects" (you know, because finals aren't just next week or anything...), squeezed in a bit of Christmas shopping therapy, and now I am resting in my humble abode, sipping on some hot tea while Ray LaMontagne speaks to my soul. All is as it should be. 

So, with that being said, a big decision has been made since the last you and I had a chat... A few of you know, a few of you won't care, but for those of you who don't know and do care: after this semester, I will be moving to Nashville to finish up my education at Trevecca Nazarene University. Knoxville has been so amazing. I definitely know why God miraculously opened up the doors for me to come back here. However, I now believe that He is leading me elsewhere... Why do I believe this, you ask? Because I simply don't have a choice; and I am thankful for that, because I cannot trust that-if I did have a choice-I would make the right one (and why after 15 years of school do I still not know or understand the proper use of a semicolon?). 

I have actually really struggled with this decision for about a year and a half now, which my family can attest to. I have had so many options of places I could go or schools I could go back to. This semester though, God just made it very clear to me that my time in Knoxville is coming to a close and I will not be returning to Johnson City. You know, I've had some of the best memories of my life in these two places, but I trust that it'll be the same no matter where I go. That is how it's always been. I'm sure that there will be trials to come, but He is my God and I am His child. In the past month or so, I have felt such a peace about this decision, and I am excited to see what He has in store.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."-Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

In other news, I am super blessed to have such amazing friends. I literally don't know what I would do without them. And I'm so glad that they are willing to always be there for me, no matter how difficult being friend's with a crazy person may or may not be.

Anyways, I hope you have a great December 3rd tomorrow! I've already been listening to my Christmas tunes (since September...judge me), but I have yet to finish my Christmas shopping, so don't be surprised if you get an empty box with "blame the Mayans, the world was supposed to end" written on it! Stay tuned for my holiday playlist for this season...

I Choose...

In a world where anonymity instills false power;
In a world consumed by the Joneses mentality;
In a world overcome by hate, rape, evil, and loss;
In a world where children are misled, mistreated, and misunderstood;

In a world where diagnoses are made for money;
In a world that is all about sales, worth, and stock;
In a world “made for man, by man”;
In a world concerned with self;

In a world where teenagers fear for their future children;
In a world seemingly heading for decay;
In a world in which intimacy, courtship, and love has been redefined;
In a world directed by feelings;

In a world full of torn homes;
In a world where the “solution” is adultery or divorce;
In a world mesmerized by sex and pornography;
In a world with broken families, where sons and daughters don’t have answers;

In a world that actively casts stones;
In a world with legalized murders; 
In a world that contains those dying to die;
In a world where “coping” means numbing;

In a world made up of religion;
In a world of separation;
In a world of politics and diplomats;
In a world where there is no hope;

I choose to believe in the power of song;
I choose to believe in the motivation of human contact and touch;
I choose literature, real, paper… print;
I choose to die to myself;

I choose to trust instead of feel;
I choose life;
I choose fellowship with the body, the entire body, not just the ones I deem appropriate;
I choose to try to do my best at all times;

I choose to let go-of shame, guilt, anger, bitterness;
I choose to minister to others, no matter the cost; 
I choose to pray;
I choose to worship;

I choose to lead by example, rather than force;
I choose to own up to my mistakes and faults;
I choose to embrace my quirks;
I choose to find the good in myself rather than dwell on the bad;

I choose to fight for what I believe in;
I choose to be stubborn about my values;
I choose to laugh, because if I don’t, someone else will;
I choose to jump, because it’s worth it;

I choose my Jesus;
I choose to make a conscience effort to represent Him daily;
I choose to be weird, different, happy;
I choose hope.

Such An Intimate Invitation

Come to the table. It's that simple. A genuine invitation to join God at His table. Me. He wants me to sit at His table. He wants me to partake in a meal with Him. It's that simple.

I've been thinking about communion a lot today. Communion is an event done in remembrance of Christ and what He did for us on the cross. I've taken part in many different communion services but there are two that stick out the most. Usually at my church, we pass around the trays and grab a little chalky square that is the bread, and a little glass of grape juice that you are expected to hold and not spill for 20 minutes while the preacher talks, reads, and prays for the congregation. However this morning at church, one of the pastor's talked, read, and prayed and then as you were felt led, you go get your own bread and dip it in the grape juice. (I kind of thought that was a little gross because everyone's hands had been all over the bread, and I would rather drink my juice separately, butttttt that is beside the point. It's not even about that.) When thinking about the differences between the two, that's when it hit me. We "come to the table", and have to actually move in order to take part in communion.

The whole point of this post is everything that happens before you take part in this act of worship. I guess, the whole idea of coming to the table was sort of humbling for me. God extends this gracious invitation to me. While I am dirty, impure, unworthy, and covered in sin, He is asking for me to join in fellowship with Him.

I never have realized the beauty in this part. Before accepting the invitation, I have a chance to lay everything at the foot of the cross. Not only can I lay down my worries and burdens, but I can lay down my pride, my sins, my filth. No matter how dirty and unworthy I may think I am, God forgets. He doesn't even care! He just wants to spend time with me, because I am his daughter.

Wait, there is more... I am cleansed. I am made new. I am made perfect in His eyes, because He takes it all.

That is the best part. And it's that simple. It really is. What a beautiful exchange... and such an intimate invitation...

The Light That Never Fails.

A servant of God must stand so much alone that they never know they’re alone. In the first phases of Christian life disheartenments come, people who used to be lights flicker out, and those who used to stand with us pass away. We have to get so used to it that we never know we are standing alone. 

“At my first defense, no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me. May it not be held against them. But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it…” 2 Timothy 4:16-17

We must build our faith, not on the fading light, but on the light that never fails. When people we love go their own way we are sad, until we see that they were meant to go, the one thing that remains is looking in the face of God for ourselves. Allow nothing to keep you from looking God sternly in the face about yourself and your beliefs. And every time you share His love with others see that you look God in the face about things first, then the glory will remain all through. A Christian worker is one who perpetually looks God in the face and then goes forth to talk to people. The characteristic of the ministry of Christ is that of unconscious glory that abides. We are never called on to parade our doubts or to express the hidden ecstasies of our life with God. He already knows it all. But the secret of the worker’s life is that they keep in tune with God all the time so that their light never fails. 

“And we, who with the unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” -2 Corinthians 3:18.

Insecurity.

It has been a while since I've posted, I know. But I have been stressing over the final weeks of the semester and getting ready for summer. That being said, it is finally summer and I couldn't be any happier! But, one thing struck a chord with me tonight and I find it necessary to discuss. I have probably posted something along these lines before, but let's get to it. Shall we? 


I have been running errands all day and when I came home I decided to get in my Facebooking. So as I scroll through the newsfeed, I continuously see negative statuses. Usually posted by girls. And it is a really upsetting thing to realize how many girls are struggling with confidence in themselves. Then I came across this quote on Pinterest "Don't let insecurity ruin the beauty that you were born with." 


That quote is so accurate. Why should you let others opinions effect how you view yourself? Just be yourself and those that matter will stick around. Find beauty in the person that you are...quirks and all. :)

Death in His Grave.

It still blows my mind: even Death bows to the King. I know you're probably all getting tired of my McMillan posts, but I just wanted to share a song that has blessed me this past week, and I know will continue to do so in the week leading up to Easter.

Though the Earth cried out for blood;
satisfied her hunger was.
Her billows calmed on raging seas,
for the souls on men she craved.

Sun and moon from balcony
turned their head in disbelief.
Their precious Love would taste the sting,
disfigured and disdained.

On Friday a thief;
on Sunday a King;
laid down in grief,
but awoke with keys
of Hell on that day.
The first born of the slain,
the man, Jesus Christ,
laid death in his grave.

So three days in darkness slept
the Morning Sun of righteousness,
but rose to shame the throes of death
and over turn his rule.

Now daughters and the sons of men
would pay not their dues again.
The debt of blood they owed was rent,

when the day rolled a new.

He has cheated

Hell and seated
us above the fall.

In desperate places,

He paid our wages

one time once and for all.