Proud Cynic.

I have a problem. (And, it's not my obsession with puppies and other cute animals...) You see, I tend to be slightly cynical. I always have my guard up and usually expect people to act in their own interest, which I am fine with, but I am also prideful. Which means that I am not going to let them take advantage of me along the way to achieving their self-pleasing goals (which is acting in my own interest as well, but that is beside the point of today's post.)

A proud cynic. It has a ring to it, right? But there is a word that cannot be used to describe a proud cynic: generous.

I was reading in Matthew 5 today, and came across one of those passages that you have read so many times that once you get to it you are reciting it in your head as you read (yeah, blah, blah, blah, I know.) Thankfully today, I caught myself. Instead, I listened while I read instead of reciting.

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
-Matthew 5:38-42

Like I said, I do not want to be taken advantage of. I think it is fairly safe to say that no one does. However, here, Jesus is saying...Kimberly, it is better to give than to question intent. He is saying that regardless if someone is taking advantage of your servanthood, you must give. Who am I anyway to judge whether someone deserves my servanthood? If I do that, it is not servanthood at all. 

I am not saying that we should not be smart with what we do, because we are also called to be good stewards of our lives, family, and everything God has given us. So, we must do what is necessary to take care of ourselves in order to be able to serve to our full capacity. What Jesus is saying though, is simply be generous, live generously. So, that is what I am going to try to do.

Sometimes, I have the urge to fall...

It's a wonderful sensation really.

I remember when I was seven years old, I was sitting on the ledge of our house. It was a brick house; one of the most charming houses one has ever seen. It was my favorite house. The ledge I was perched on was only about six feet tall, but, when I felt myself leaning over the edge, my stomach lurched and my heart jumped. But when I opened my eyes and looked up at the clouds above where I had landed, the thought that ran through my mind was, well, that was fun.

Like I said, sometimes I have the urge to fall... Sometimes I have the urge to run. It's the same thing, really. At least, I think it is. It's about freedom and letting go, right? But, the running urge only happens every great once in a while.

In the same light...I like heights. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not an adrenaline junkie. I'm not a Marla Singer, dangerously living my life knowing that I could die at any minute, but sometimes I have the urge to fall. Repelling is my favorite. Granted, I'm in a harness, and I'm not technically falling, but there is just something about not having the ground beneath my feet that is freeing. I've repelled a 275 foot wall. I've done a 250 foot slingshot. I've toed a 65 foot ledge deep down in a cave. I absolutely love roller coasters. I used to love high dives, until I got fussed at by a life guard. And I even jumped off a cliff into a river once, even though I had a bad experience following that, but that is for another post... And one day I plan on skydiving.

I say all of this, because even though I have this urge, I tend to protect myself from it in other aspects of life. I don't like the aspect of trust. I don't like the idea of losing control. I don't like trusting people, because then I'd have to fall. I don't always listen to God, because then I'd have to fall. I don't always trust my family... my friends... my professors... because then I'd have to fall.

Whenever I let go though; it pays. I learn something. I gain something. I stand back up as a better and stronger person. I challenge you today to heed the call in your life to fall... to trust... to let go... to love, or to do whatever it is that demands you to fall. You'll gain something, I promise.

Sometimes, I have the urge to fall. Falling requires trust. Falling forfeits control. Falling is a wonderful sensation.